It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
