i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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