When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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