Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
