Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
