Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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