I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
