I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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