You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
