People in love make me want to vomit
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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