So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
