I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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