I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
