Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize