that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
