It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
