My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
