it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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