Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
