Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
