I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize