I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
