Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
