plz talk dirty to me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
