If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
