I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
