He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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