I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
