I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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