Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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