Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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