Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize