FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
