he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
