Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
