my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
