he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize