She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
