In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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