Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize