i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
