I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
