hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
