Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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