I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
