did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
