WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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