Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
