good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
