barbara walters just said penis...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
