I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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