Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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