i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
