She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
