I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
