The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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