Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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