What did we do last night that was yellow?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
