I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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