Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
