I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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