Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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