I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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