you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
