So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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