Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
