an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
