K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
