im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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