he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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