I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
